A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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