So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
