Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
