You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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