you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
