You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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