the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
