just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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