I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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