Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
