ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
