I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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