If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
