we have officially lost it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
