ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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