just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
