all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
