and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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