I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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