According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
