I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
