i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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