I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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