y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We left an ass print on the piano.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
