We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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