Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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