I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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