somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
