Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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