You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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