She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
