A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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