its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
