Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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