She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
