I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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