The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
