so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
