He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
