don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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