thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
