So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
