Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
