Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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