remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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