My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
