You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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