i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
