i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
