So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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