Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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