My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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