I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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