you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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