I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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