She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize