I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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